A Hot Day in the Grump Room
by Mister Gorbachev
Summary: An ordinary recording session for Dan and Arin goes awry when things get too hot to handle. : )


It was a sunny November afternoon, and the grump room was insufferably hot. The air conditioning had broken the previous day, and the repairman had yet to come in, leaving the entire house in sweltering conditions. And this was on a most unfortunate day, a recording day for game grumps.

Arin Hanson's frown twitched. "Dan. We gotta cancel recording today. It's too goshdang hot."

Danny Sexbang slouched beside his friend on the couch. "I would agree, but we're behind schedule now. If we don't record today, we won't have anything to upload tomorrow."

Arin made a noise akin to a swollen quail and threw his head back.

"Arin. We gotta record." Dan insisted. He took an xbox one controller up from the floor and handed it to Arin.

"Maybe we should get some fans in here." Arin took the controller reluctantly.

"You don't think that would mess with the sound quality?" Dan, always the voice of reason, rebutted.

"No. Well no, but yeah maybe."

"That's a pretty vague answer." Said Dan.

"Yeah it would mess with the sound quality." Arin allowed.

"Yeah, I figured." Said Danny. He stood up and plucked a game from a high shelf.

"But how else are we gonna beat this heat?"

Dan took Call of Duty: Ghost out of its case. "I guess there's nothing we can do. Just gotta sweat through it, man."

Arin sighed. "Yeah. At least we're playing my favorite video game today."

"There ya go, look on the bright side." Said Dan, placing the disc in the system.

Dan fell back onto the couch, next to his friend. He scooted the microphone stand in front of him, and adjusted his mic as Arin did the same.

"Wait." Said Arin. "Before we start recording, I've got a plan on how to cool off."

"Okay?" Said Danny.

In some fifty jagged motions, Arin swiveled and twisted his hips, while his hands pinched at his jeans in troubled, frustrated tugs. A minute later, he had successfully pulled his pants completely down to the floor.

Danny looked at his boxers in awe.

"There ya go. That's a lot better." Arin said.

Danny stared, mouth agape.

"What?" Said Arin.

Danny slowly pointed down at his crotch.

Arin looked down quickly to find that his entire pastrami was hanging out of his boxers.

"Oh gosh, Dan, I'm sorry you had to see that."

Arin reached with his right hand to tuck his dibble away, but Dan grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

"Wait. Arin, my sweetheart, there's something I have to say. This isn't how I wanted this to happen, but I want you to know, that I want to shuffle your ping pong right now."

Arin looked up at him. There was no mistaking the twinkle in Dan's eye.

"Dan." Breathed Arin. "I would love for you to waggle my snausage."

Danny started twiddling his chopstick.

"Oooooooh." Said Arin. "Keep fuddling my pubert, Dan!"

Dan kept shuffling Arin's jenkins, looking into his eyes. "I never want to stop piffling your robert." He said.

"Mmmmmm Dan, I want you to quibble my smucker faster." Said Arin.

Dan obliged, scrounging Arin's dobson quicker. "How's that?"

"Ahhhhhhhh Dan dabble my crouton even faster." Arin barked.

"Anything for you." Danny whispered, thwimpering Arin's medici with yet more speed.

"Nnnnnnnnnnnn I like it when you grendle my beowulf." Said Arin. "But can I ask you something?"

"Absolutely." Said Danny, continuing to clutter his friend's parasol. "Anything."

"I want you to jiffy my loinbean even faster than this." Said Arin.

Dan mustered up strength enough to stiltskin his rumple with more speed. "Arin, this is as fast as I can jolly your roger."

Arin looked onto Dan with disdain. "Dan. Whisk my fishmonger FASTER."

Dan was on the verge of tears. He swiffered Arin's chunky with all of his might, but Arin still wasn't pleased. "I'm spomping your bolivia as fast as I can, honest!"

"DAN. WRINKLE MY GROUNDHOG FASTER." Arin roared.

Dan closed his eyes, focusing all his energy on zacking Arin's snyder. Just then, the door to the grump room swung open.

A feminine silhouette stood in the doorway and gasped. Dan immediately stopped trouncing Arin's bundle and turned to look.

"It's not- it's not what it looks like honey!" Arin yelled, his face pale.

"It's exactly what it looks like, you're cheating on me with Danny!" shouted Ross O'Donovan.

"B-b-b-but baby, listen, I can explain."

"I don't want to hear it." Said Ross. "Arin, I mean it, I don't want to hear it. You wanted to- no, listen, I'm talking. You wanted to get a divorce, is this why? Is it because you wanted to be with Danny? You could have told me. Jesus. You could have told me and we would have done it. We would have split. But we spent money on therapy because I thought you still loved me, I thought you still wanted to love me. You said you did. You said there was no one else, and you wanted to try. You could have just told me, Arin. We wouldn't have had to go through all that for three years, three years! You could have just told me. I can't believe this. I cannot believe this, Arin. I need to go for a drive."

Dan and Arin held back tears as Ross turned and walked out. They looked back at each other for a moment, then both turned away, too ashamed of what they had done.

Barry, who had been sitting in the corner of the grump room, spoke up. "Hey Ross! Can you bring me back more popcorn while you're up?"

"Oh yeah sure thing Barry." Ross leaned back into the room for a second.

"Thanks!" Said Barry.

"Well." Said Arin, slapping his knee. "I think we all learned a valuable lesson."

"We sure did." Said Dan with a warm smile.

And they lived happily ever after.


End file.
